Counselling for Sexual Assault and Rape

Sexual Assault is any form of non-consensual sexual contact. It is also commonly acknowledged that sexual assault is not just about sex but also an attempt to gain power over an individual.

Counselling is also known to be helpful, whether immediately after experiencing an assault, or at any point following . . . whether days, weeks, months, years later. The impact of such experiences is varied and the point at which you access counselling, if you choose to do so, is your choice.

About Sexual Abuse or Assault:

Sexual abuse or assault is any unwanted sexual act or activity. There are many different forms that the sexual abuse or assault can take:

• Rape / Sexual Assault
• Rape within marriage or a relationship
• Sexual Harassment
• Historical incident such as Sexual Abuse in your childhood
• Trafficking and sexual exploitation
• Forced marriage
• Female Genital Mutilation (FGM)
• Honour-based violence
• Ritual abuse

Was it my fault that I was a victim of Sexual Assault or Violence?

Sexual violence can happen to anyone, at any age; man or woman, young or old. The perpetrator of sexual violence can be someone known to you, or a stranger.

There is no excuse for sexual violence. The responsibility for sexual violence lies with the perpetrator who carried out the act. No one deserves it and no one ‘asks for it’.

It does not matter what:

• the relationship between you and the perpetrator ‘is’ / or ‘was’ in the past
• the location was or where you were – socialising, in a bar or club, in bed,
• you were wearing
• you had been doing, whether you were drunk or had taken drugs
• what the nature of your relationship with the perpetrator is, whether you had previously had sex with that person, kissed that person or had any intimate physical activity with them.

It is not your fault and you did not deserve it.

You are not to blame.

You are not alone.

Trauma Because of Rape or Sexual Violence

When someone experiences a shocking or unexpected act, such as rape or a sexual assault, it is very common to develop deep emotional and physical stress. After experiencing sexual violence, in whatever form it was and however recent or long ago it was, it may be that you are experiencing, or have experienced, trauma reactions as a result.

Your trauma response will be unique and personal to you, however, there are certain physical, emotional and behavioural reactions that are common as part of a traumatic reaction to something.

Following the Rape or Sexual Assault you may experience some or all of the following:

Physical Reactions:

• Sweating
• Dry mouth
• Headaches / dizziness
• Nausea / sore stomach
• Needing to go to the toilet all the time / diarrhoea
• Feelings of lethargy, tiredness and exhaustion
• Tense muscles
• Hyperactivity
• Panic Attacks
• Rapid unsteady breathing
• Tight chest / increased and rapid heartrate

Emotional Reactions:

• Guilt
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Irritability / Moodiness
• Insecurity
• Feeling hopeless
• Loss of self-confidence

You may also:

• Have nightmares
• Struggle with your memory
• Increase your drinking / drug taking
• Feel or have suicidal thoughts / make suicide plans
• Self-harm
• Neglect yourself
• Change your eating patterns

 

Victims of a Sexual Assault or Sexual Violence may also experience flashbacks:

Flashbacks are when a memory, of the sexual assault or rape, suddenly and unexpectedly comes back to you. Flashbacks occur as a result of the incident having not yet been processed by the brain.

Flashbacks feel powerful, overwhelming and scary. It can feel as though you are living through the  event all over again. Flashbacks can often be vivid images of what happened, can occur at any time and can feel out of your control and difficult to get rid of.

This reaction is normal and not something to be afraid of. You are not ‘strange’, in fact what is happening to you is far from strange but instead very normal. It can also be a sign that you are feeling ready to deal with the traumatic event.

How Can Counselling for Sexual Assault Help?

Counselling is a confidential space where you can talk about the sexual violence you have experienced and the physical and emotional reactions to it.

After you have experienced sexual violence, it is normal to feel completely overwhelmed by emotions, that can also manifest themselves physically, for example as a tightness, pain or sickness in your stomach.

It can be very hard to stop thinking about the rape or sexual abuse that happened to you. Trying to understand it can be confusing and it can lead to you thinking things that are not true, such as: blaming yourself e.g. “I deserved it because” or “I should have” or  self-loathing thoughts such as “I am dirty”, “I am disgusting” or “nobody will ever love me”.

“Understanding your normal reactions to an abnormal situation is the beginnings of taking control.”

In the counselling environment, you can begin to pick out certain feelings, such as ‘shame’ or ‘guilt’ from what has originally just felt like one big overwhelming “mass” of feelings. We will explore why emotions such as ‘shame’, ‘anger’ and ‘emptiness’ are normal after experiencing rape or sexual violence.

Counselling is a place where you can process the thoughts and emotions that you are experiencing, and to understand why they are happening and thus learn tools to help you cope with and control the thoughts, emotions and behaviours that have begun following the event.

An example might be learning what flashbacks are and the ways that you can help yourself to cope with flashbacks when they happen.

Counselling for Sexual Assault will help you to look at your thoughts and to challenge them; to know that you are not to blame, that your reactions are normal in an abnormal situation. That you survived.

You can begin to do all of this in your own time and at a pace that feels right for you. There is no rush . . .

Counselling for Sexual Assault is a space for you to speak about the incident and all of the reactions and fall out to it, when you want to, at your own speed and in your own way.

If you are suffering from trauma having been a victim of sexual violence or rape then contact Rachel to discuss Counselling for Sexual Assault.